"...why, why, WHY would ANYONE Want the XBox?!?!?! Are you people braindead or something? Don't you people understand Microsoft's business strategies? Don't you know that the XBox is powered by Windows, the most unstable OS ever designed? Don't you know that Microsoft has NO experience designing entertaining game titles? Don't you know that Microsoft has NEVER been in the console industry, and that their current attempt to create a console is merely a sham for them to flood another market with their god-awful products, forcing other companies out of business and monopolizing another area of the computer software industry? To hell with Microsoft, and Sony for that matter... I consider them both unfit to be in an industry where gaming greats like Sega and Nintendo used to rule."
-Quote from a forum
"Your momma is so fat, her dress size is XBOX."
-Courtesy of Planet GameCube
Gamer A: "So keeping in mind I have no use for portability, would you recommend I buy the GBA version [of Super Mario World], or just replay the SNES version?"
Gamer B: "If you have no need for portability, I literally think flushing $31.80 down the toilet would be more entertaining."
"diablo II is great for the fact that it involves like 4 synapses in your brain, so you can think while playing"
-Computer user/gamer
"Compete with the PlayStation 2 multi-tap for intense 4-player split-screen action."
-Nintendo.com's preview of Rayman Arena (Gamecube)
"i just got this game yesteday and i'm kind of disappointed about only able to move left,right,up,down like the old nintendo games. that totally reaks of suckiness"
-Quote from a forum about Super Smash Bros. Melee (Gamecube)
"what do you have if you dont have windows?"
-A serious question from a forum
"If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed - oh wait, he does."
-Unknown
"...if I had a nickel for every time my ISP disconnected me, I could have bought a rocket launcher and destroyed my ISP by now."
-Computer user
"hitting refresh doesn't help, but maybe it will make Bill Gates die..."
-Computer user
IN A.D. 2101
WAR WAS BEGINNING.
CAPTAIN: WHAT HAPPEN ?
MECHANIC: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB.
OPERATOR: WE GET SIGNAL.
CAPTAIN: WHAT !
OPERATOR: MAIN SCREEN TURN ON.
CAPTAIN: IT'S YOU !!
CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !!
CATS: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
CATS: YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION.
CAPTAIN: WHAT YOU SAY !!
CATS: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME.
CATS: HA HA HA HA ....
CAPTAIN: TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG' !!
CAPTAIN: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING.
CAPTAIN: MOVE 'ZIG'.
CAPTAIN: FOR GREAT JUSTICE.
-Zero Wing
"You spoony bard!"
-Tellah, of Final Fantasy II
"ACHOOOO!"
-Yang, also of Final Fantasy II
LAYON: STUPID CUP.............
LAYON: CUMPUTER
Beowulf_Kadmus: CUP ON COMPUTER?
LAYON: NOO
Beowulf_Kadmus: NOO
Beowulf_Kadmus: ?
-Excerpted from a conversation on Battle.net
Beowulf_Kadmus: layon
Beowulf_Kadmus: are you a newbie?
LAYON: YEAH............
Beowulf_Kadmus: i see
LAYON: W...H...y...
Beowulf_Kadmus: just wondering
LAYON: DO I SOUND LIKE I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.
LAYON: NO
-Excerpted from a conversation on Battle.net
Champion Bloody_archmage: ugh.....
Champion Bloody_archmage: go away u newb
CuddlesTheBear: what ugh......
CuddlesTheBear: !&$% u !&$#@
Champion Bloody_archmage: lol
*EmperorGeek rotfl*
CuddlesTheBear: i could kick ur ass any day
Champion Bloody_archmage: lmfao
EmperorGeek: oh no it's cuddles
EmperorGeek: runnnn
CuddlesTheBear: ever heard of
CuddlesTheBear: roar
CuddlesTheBear: roar
-Excerpted from conversation on Battle.net
"yea, those little ghost fellows but your big shippy things in a bubble and you get killed..."
-A Battle.net user describes the Starcraft ability "Lockdown"
"I might take out the pentium, cram a rock in there, and watch [my computer] go much, much faster"
-Computer user
"It looks like you have a hard time breathing underwater."
-King Zora, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
"It legitimizes the product if Taco Bell thinks it's great."
-Don Coyner, Xbox marketing director (from Opening the Xbox by Dean Takahashi)
"Unauthorized Metroid feeding is strictly prohibited."
-Metroid Prime
"If you weren't dead I'd have you court-martialed!"
-Robotech: Battlecry
"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
-Andy Rooney
"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer."
-Farmers' Almanac, 1978
"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home."
-Ken Olsen, President, Digital Equipment, 1977
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
-Nathaniel Borenstein
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
-Rich Cook
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
-Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld magazine
"In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it."
-Unknown
"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons."
-Unknown, Popular Mechanics, March 1949
"We are all know that Linux is great: it does an infinite loop into five seconds!"
-Linus Torvalds
"Windows is too complex for Microsoft to program. Thats why there are so many bugs and stuff."
-Dr. Briant
"There are no significant bugs in our released software that any significant number of users want fixed."
-Bill Gates, 1995
"As great as this game is there is at least one demented humanoid out there, probably created in an experiment gone bad, that may dislike this game. It just might be you!"
-A GameFAQs review on F-Zero X
"They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards it installs Windows."
-IRC user Tigren
"Shigesato [Itoi, producer of the Mother/Earthbound series] also says that he finds that the times are changing, and people no longer skip their job or miss sleep to play games."
-Gamespot
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-Bill Gates, 1981
"When people write articles and stories about how bad America's youth has degenerated as a result of videogame violence, it makes me want to uppercut someone off of a bridge into a pit of spikes; or maybe rip their spine out."
-Forum user Calypso
"Everytime a girl kicks my ass in a video game I'm puzzled whether I should be humiliated or incredibly turned on."
-Forum user DJosef
"I dont think hackers are concerned with finding exploits in Macs. Unleashing a virus on Mac users is like detonating a nuclear bomb on Qatar."
-Forum user Enygmatic
"For me, video games should be as long as a girl's skirt. That is, long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep it interesting."
-Forum user Dullard
"Anybody can kill somebody, it takes a REAL man to walk around leveling up a Pikachu."
-Unknown
"Good idea: Playing catch with an elephant.
Bad idea: Playing catch with an xbox."
-Forum user Neonjohn779
"Please purchase Audion today!
If it helps, pretend Audion is the lost 152nd Pokémon. Gotta catch em all, right?"
-Registration message for Audion
"Sunny days are BOKTAI days!"
-Boktai
"My toaster is more secure than Windows."
-Forum user XtrmLead
"Windows comes from a box. Linux comes from a community."
-Unknown
"Just because something works, doesn't mean it's fun. Microsoft Word works. But I wouldn't say it's fun to use."
-DigiPen admissions representative
"Oh I was married once in an online fantasy game, we were thinking about having children but that would have severely drained my power crystals."
-Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons
"Take photos and post them here afterwards will you? I've been hearing good things about this 'outside'. Apparantly the engine is even more realistic than Half-Life 2's."
-Forum user Supah Furry
"All my girlfriends have the same last name. It's .jpg"
-Forum user Shady3011
"Games dont make people violent, lag does."
-Forum user Peter Griffin
"I don't think 90% of my school knows what Final Fantasy is... I'm jealous."
-Forum user Ashton Anchors
"I used to think the Internet was evil because of all its porn, now I think its evil cause I can't find any."
-Forum user ass
"If Playboy has pictures of girls... and Playgirl has pictures of guys... I don't want to know what Playstation Magazine is like."
-Forum user Elazul875
"My Life- Good graphics, Terrible Plot. Where are the fanboys?"
-Forum user Elazul875
"Ordinary programmers write code to pay the bills. Great hackers think of it as something they do for fun, and which they're delighted to find people will pay them for."
-Paul Graham, "Great Hackers"
"I think what a lot of [Venture Capitalists] are looking for, at least unconsciously, is the next Microsoft. And of course if Microsoft is your model, you shouldn't be looking for companies that hope to win by writing great software. But VCs are mistaken to look for the next Microsoft, because no startup can be the next Microsoft unless some other company is prepared to bend over at just the right moment and be the next IBM."
-Paul Graham, "Great Hackers"
"When I was in grad school I used to hang around the MIT AI Lab occasionally. It was kind of intimidating at first. Everyone there spoke so fast. But after a while I learned the trick of speaking fast. You don't have to think any faster; just use twice as many words to say everything."
-Paul Graham, "Great Hackers"
"The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day they make a vacuum."
-Unknown