Mirkon: gah... stupidity never fails to enrage Mirkon
Diddy: don't refer to yourself in third person, Mirkon. Diddy doesn't like it when you do that.
Mirkon: Diddy will learn to like it, whether Diddy likes it or not. So there. You smell what the Mirkon is cookin'?
Diddy: ...they better be cheeseburgers, Mirkon.
Person A: *Flicks eraser bits at Person B*
Person B: If you do that one more time, I'll punch you in the face, light your crotch on fire, and run away.
Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Therapist: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Therapist: Wow, that's messed up!
-Office Space
"The difficult we do right away; the impossible takes slightly longer."
-Philo T. Farnsworth, scientist, inventor; specifically, of the television
"Why do they call it Health class? It makes me sick!"
-Response to the Sexual Child Abuse information packet
"LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!...our complaints into Fox to stop making bad shows."
-A concerned television-watcher's response to "Celebrity Boxing," an actual show on Fox
"Fascism is still prevalent in our society today. People will believe whatever you say if you do it right. Like the American media. Or Microsoft."
-Mirkon
"i don't as much hate driving as much as i extremely dislike it now"
-16-year-old
Sam:(Talking to store clerk) "My little buddy needs to use your facilities."
Max:"Facilities be damned, I need a bathroom!"
-Sam and Max; submitted by Knuckles44
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
-Steven Wright
"I've had two cats in the past, Soul and Mind. Soul is dead, mind is lost. Mindnumbing how this resembles my life."
-Forum user KatThePoet
"My friend had attempted to kill him self many times. I asked to see his scars and he showed me. I then told him what he was doing wrong..... the fried shrimp at his funeral was quite good."
-Forum user Mattson
"I'm single-handily trying to free the world of hunger, starting with myself."
-Forum user XtremeLeader
"You know they're nerds when people like us call them nerds."
-Forum user solid snake
"Somebody call Guinness. I'm about to go from zero to drunk in twenty dollars."
-Div, Penny Arcade
"I have an inferiority complex...But it's not a very good one."
-William Wright
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
-The HitchHikers' Guide to the Galaxy
"*Burns AIM with a toilet, somehow*"
-Forum user CrazedPenguin
"Dear Lord, may this plan please work and may my account be again delivered upon me; and if it shall not work, may the administrator be struck down with the fiery wrath of the heavens. Amen."
-Forum user Climpa
"It's 2003!! Why can't I teleport?!"
-Lewis Black
scurty: Communism > Slavery Plus, owning someone just doesn't sound right.. :\
gnomes: I own people all the time in Starcraft.
"I'm a BEAR. It KNOW I am. I'm a BEAR trapped in a man's body. But that's gonna change SOON, I'm taking HORMONES!"
-Forum user Guy P
"OLDMAN! Mortal to a speeding bullet, rides the locomotive, able to enter buildings with extensive help! Leaves large sums of money at death!"
-Mirkon
"My closet is MADE of skeletons, if that's what you're asking. Waste not, want not, they say."
-Forum user The Great Magus
"WE MADE THIS BIG WEAPON THAT COULD KILL US ALL BECAUSE WE COULD, THEN CARL TURNED IT ON, GOD I HATE THAT GUY!"
-Forum user Alterwolf
"I dreamt once I was a mythological hero with a chronic cough. My name was Tubercules."
-Forum user The Great Magus
"Technically, you would only need one time traveler convention."
-Cat, Cat and Girl
"I want to get some katanas and nunchakus so I can totally go ninja turtles on some cats."
-Forum user Venom2008
"I'm omnisexual. You? I'd do you right here, right now. Your wife? She'll be moaning all night! You chair? BRING IT ON!"
-Forum user KatThePoet
"But my modesty prevents me from telling you how i really feel about my self... Yes, being modest does make me more attractive."
-Forum user BENGT
"Look at it like this: It's like a picnic, only there's no food and we're all going to die."
-Tycho, Penny Arcade
"And stop making up powers, Green Lantern. Yeah, I know your Power Ring can do a lot, but it can't instantly teleport you where you want or allow you to travel through time whenever you want. Pompous bastard..."
-Forum user HighwayMonkey
"God. This show [Summer Music Mania 2004 on FOX]... it makes me want to fly a plane into the twin towers."
-Forum user CreepyGuyWithAStick
"The difference between kinky and erotic is the difference between using a feather, and the whole damn chicken."
-Terry Prattchet, Author of the "Discworld" series of novels.